Self Awareness | Leadership and Perception

I believe you make your day. You make your life. So much of it is all perception, and this is the form that I built for myself. I have to accept it and work within those compounds, and it’s up to me. – Brad Pitt

Another Way of Looking

Some time ago I heard comments about me that troubled me because they weren’t true. I also heard people say that I thought I was better than others, that I didn’t toe the line, had a reputation for getting things done, was overly critical, and recovered quickly from difficult situations. Some of these things disturbed me deeply. Whether they were true or not did not matter; why people thought these things did. I had to understand why they perceived me in a particular way. And I needed to change their perception.

Being a leader requires us to ask questions and get feedback from others. Sometimes this means getting our feelings hurt. However, if we do this with the intent of learning we can understand how we are perceived, change those perceptions and become more effective leaders.

When we receive feedback, especially when we believe people are wrong in their perception, we need to recognise that we all see things differently. Consequently, we need to acknowledge these differences and take an introspective look at ourselves. We need to ask ourselves why people view us in a particular way. Is it our behaviour? Our personality? Or what we say and do?

Self Awareness

However, acknowledging the need to become better – to do things differently – is the most difficult step. Even so, to be an effective leader we must take steps to increase our self-awareness. That is, be open to learning: getting feedback and listening without justifying. We need to learn to listen with presence – giving people our full attention – and accept feedback without trying to defend ourselves. If we try to justify our actions people will stop giving us feedback.

What’s more, we can monitor our personal behaviour to examine the consequences of our actions for others and ourselves. For instance:

• Ask people (you trust) for feedback about what you can stop, start, and continue to do that will help your personal interactions.
• Whenever personal interaction ends unsuccessfully assume that things went wrong because of something you did. Think about the consequences of your behaviour and what you could do differently next time.
• When things go well find out why it was a success and capitalise on your positive behaviour.

Changing Perceptions

It takes 20 years to build a reputation and five minutes to ruin it. If you think about that, you’ll do things differently. – Warren Buffet

How we change a negative impression into a positive one is a matter of personal choice. Therefore, it’s really important to understand your personality type or temperament. For instance, earlier I mentioned that some people said I thought I was better than others. This troubled me greatly until I learned that I gave this impression because I sometimes appeared aloof or disinterested. In fact, this perception had more to do with the fact that I am introverted – I draw my energy from my internal world of ideas, emotions, and impressions – rather than being self-centred. Knowing this meant I could deal with this negative perceptions in a positive way.

Do the Opposite Thing

I’ve also learned to counter perceptions by breaking them. Do the opposite thing; even if this means stepping outside your comfort zone. If someone thinks you’re lazy, ask for more responsibilities or go the extra mile when doing something for your critics. If they think you’re unprofessional understand why they think this way. Maybe you put your foot in your mouth a little too often. If that’s the case, think before you speak.

Above all, make sure there is harmony between what you say and do. Let your deeds match your words and be aware of the effect you have on others.

Image: true2source/ Flickr.

Related articles

• Leadership & Perception (customerthink.com)
• Six Leadership Lessons from Dan Might (edbatista.com)
• Harvard Business: Seeing Yourself as Others See You (blogs.hbr.org)
• Seeing Yourself as Others See You (crystalkeyministries.wordpress.com)